WHAT. FASOKJAOS;DFJFASDIOEWJ94U,MCVXN. I MEAN. WHAT?
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
I JUST READ A STORY. IT WAS GOOD.

THE END.

Fic rec: "D:" by leupagus, rageprufrock
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver

Title: D:
Authors: leupagus, rageprufrock
Fandom: Star Trek RPF
Ship fic? Yes, M/M
Rating: Teen and up
Authors' notes:

Inspired by both Chris Pine's douchetastic Cosmo Interview (in which he advises prospective girlfriends to admire the size of his penis by saying things like "Baby, I don't have three hands!") and Zachary Quinto's dorktastic photos of himself actually having three hands (... for some Heroes episode? [we really hope so, anyway -- pru]), this fic was created in fits of combined drunkness, insomnia, and work-related psychosis. Anyone who makes a comment along the lines of "but that interview didn't come out until such-and-such a date!" or "Zach didn't wear those awful hats until after the end of the shoot!" will be killed. [aaaaand here you can see the difference between leupagus and me: she actually has notes and disclaimers and shit. -- pru]

Authors' pull quote:

"Oh my God, this shit has developed a narrative thread," Chris marvels.


spoilery pull quoteCollapse )

Sigh
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
I think my Dad and possibly Amy think that I want to be a man because of some ingrained misogyny. It might be so, but Dad seems to think this is true of trans men in general.

Note to self: read these books
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
http://www.autostraddle.com/ten-lesbianbisexual-books-you-havent-read-yet/

It's so weird that I feel like a man but also a lesbian. What's up with that?

Nevermind
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
No polyamory for me. Just a single partner for now. But he's awesome! :D

A Modest Proposal (no cannibalism in this one, sorry)
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
So what do you think of polyamorous relationships?

Specifically, me in one?

I have a crush on this guy but he's dating this girl but they're not exclusive and so we still have sex sometimes. I want to propose a triad, see how it works. Plus, Marina is a cool name and I'd like to meet her. Also she is bi, so that makes a difference.

This is from, like, 2007 on FB
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
Strange. I'm considering the path from the beginning to the end of a love that is at some point disappointed utterly and yet becomes, ultimately, altruistic.

It is amazing that a process as deep, painful, and humanizing as this could start out with such a trivial, pleasant, even giddy, emotion as infatuation. Infatuation seems so ultimately beside the point, even more so than lust (though that's a whole different discussion); it doesn't seem as though it would ever grow into anything either meaningful or fundamental. But that is the way of things. Although, there are certainly many more silly infatuations than those that do develop into real love.

And once the admittedly intensely personal but nevertheless fairly commonplace romantic love does develop, how does this emotion, sown as it is with the seeds of so much pettiness (envy, spite, bitterness, and most notably, self-absorption, among many others), survive without damage its own utter frustration? And by frustration, I don't mean anything trivial: I mean the continued indifference of the object of love, or his death, or some other absolute obstacle--or more than one of these things.

But however unexceptional mere romantic love may seem in the context of all humanity, it does sometimes survive such trauma, and even (I assume, rarely) can become something much greater: altruistic love, or more plainly, altruism itself.

***

I have an ongoing internal debate about the existence of "true" altruism. My intuition and higher, spiritual instincts insist, or are utterly convinced, that true altruism MUST exist, while my reason knows that this is highly debatable and probably it is in fact a logical impossibility. But perhaps these two facets of myself define their terms differently, and thus function on different, incompatible levels.

For instance, the word "existence" to Reason suggests that there is a real example out in the world, or definitely could be. It doesn't matter if this example can be quoted or brought to one's attention specifically, but the idea that something "exists" implies that it fits in with the practical, real world.

To Intuition, "existence" might mean something more along the lines of Plato's conception of ideals in mathematics. (i.e. Ideals are more "real" than mathematical concepts; mathematical concepts are more "real" than you or me.) Using this definition of existence, one could argue that true altruism exists without reference to the inherently flawed nature of human motivations and moral makeup, because "true" altruism exists not only on a different, but a higher level than we normally think of: an ideal level. The only reason that altruism is perceived as imperfect, this argument goes, is because the nature of our non-ideal reality is, by definition, imperfect, and thus warps the expressions of altruism at this level of reality.

I have a date to prooooooooooooom!
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
:DDD

*

Problem: I also have a boyfriend who is not my date. Buuuuuut, he said it was okay. Hmmmm.

POOF! *is a man now*
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
Yep. I decided to step firmly over the line, instead of straddling it. Maybe that makes me binarist, but honestly, who cares? I'm just trying to be happy.

Still a genderqueer sort of man, but anyway. What? I like dresses! Can men not wear dresses? Now who's being the gender police!

*

Just a few more years, then I get to go on T. Hopefully less time than that, even. If only I had a job I could do it sooner! I've heard it costs about $50 per vial, which lasts a month, if your insurance pays for part of it, and that's not nothing, but it's also not as bad as, say, smoking a pack a day. It's more like a pack a week. AND THERE WILL BE NO SMOKING WHILE I'M ON T. NOT EVEN OCCASIONALLY.

*

In other news, I've started going to the gym (good), started smoking (bad), stopped smoking (good), bummed four cigarettes off of various people today (bad), cut myself (bad), am way behind on homework (bad), but am working to catch up and my professors like me (good). And I have a new therapist! She's great!

Now, off to fuck around on the internet until I decide to do homework. No. Off to do homework until it gets to be too much for me, AND THEN fuck around on the internet.

*

P.S. My sort of boyfriend is straight. This is weird for me.

Do genderqueers have cis privilege?
nymphadora tonks
polly_oliver
Because, you know, sometimes I'm a woman. (If anyone who doesn't know me reads this entry, then you also need to know that I'm FAAB, although you could probably infer that.)

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